Rome 24

The plastic tray was green, with brioche & let's say latte on it, quickly packed up and I was on my way to the station. On the way, I had 3 real coffees and was already on the train to Roma Termini. The scenery between Rome and Naples is amazing, I've never done it by bike before. Maybe sometime later. Or maybe not. On the way, I booked a room near the Roman train station, with luggage storage, as I arrived in Rome early. I dropped my rucksack off at the hotel and was on my way again, my stomach was growling and I knew exactly where I wanted to eat, at Matriciana. It was already very busy at lunchtime, but I was lucky and managed to get a table outside. Olives and bread as a starter, then pasta a la carbonare and meat with the typical Roman pepper sauce for the main course. The dessert? Coffee, of course. Wow, it was so incredibly good and expensive. But I don't treat myself to anything else. And now, full to the brim, I was standing in the early fall sun in the middle of Rome.  So I got moving, went to the Papal Basilica of Saint Mary Major and walked between Esquilino and Viminale until a metro sign popped up in front of me. Into the metro and to the Colosseum and out into the crowds, somehow squeezing my way through. Soon I was past the Constantine Arch wrapped in restoration scaffolding and I leaned against the wall trying to get an online ticket for the Archaeological Park. I didn't want to go to the Colosseum, but without that it wasn't bookable and the next available bookable slot was tomorrow. Desperate, especially as the internet kept breaking down. Too many people. So plan B, straight to Porta Vignola and see if it was still possible to buy a ticket directly. Do I want to go to the Colosseum? I said no, then no problem. How many tickets? Solo! The saleswoman's face brightened, the young lady suddenly became very flirtatious. Had other things on her mind, spending the afternoon on my favorite Roman hill. The Palatino. Back in 2015, when I reached the eternal city in June, battered and half-dead, this was the very first sightseeing attraction I treated myself to. Back then, I stood at the top and looked at the Hippodrome, studying the same explanatory panel as I did back then. I strolled over the ruined and pine-covered hill, letting myself drift. Sometimes here, sometimes there. View of the Circus Maximus, view of the Colosseum, the Celio, the Aventinio and view down to the Forum Romanum and Campidoglio and the Capitol. The Vatican and Castel Sant'Angelo in the distance. Why do I love the Palatino so much? There's none of the hustle and bustle up there, most tourists get stuck somewhere between the Colosseum and the Roman Forum and at the top you can watch the whole thing from a relaxed distance. Between Domus Flavia, Casa di Augusto and Orti Farnesiani sul Palatino, it's easy to get by, there's the occasional fountain and the toilets are not associated with a long queue. And above all, you can see almost all of Rome. Why this love for the Palatine? Suddenly the scales fell from my eyes, back when I was doing my A-levels, I think it was '98, we were here in Rome for 10 days on a school trip and our hotel was right here. I always looked for it every time I was in Rome and this time I finally found it. Via di S. Teodoro, Casa Kolbe, it was right in front of me. We lived directly opposite the Palatino. Oh man, back then as a 22-year-old I had other priorities than ancient walls. Most of the time I skipped the morning rides and slept in so that I could go full throttle again in the evening. I missed out on everything back then and was of course despised by my model classmates. Well, what can I say guys, I got through my studies and you? When I got up at lunchtime, of course I went for a walk until my classmates came back. And where did I walk most of the time, right along the Circus Maximus and the Palatino. Early childhood imprinting. That's why I love this hill so much. I sat there for hours in the garden under the pine trees, letting my past visits pass by in my mind's eye, somehow always just before a new chapter in my life took its course, I was in the Eternal City. Did I do everything right? Certainly not. Did I do everything in such a way that I couldn't blame myself? I don't know, mentally I'm much better these days than I was a few years ago. I've stopped doing a lot of things that kept bringing me down and leading me to negative thought loops and feelings of guilt. Do I still overthink too much? Yes. Do I draw the wrong conclusions, yes still. But it's much easier for me to get up again these days and move on. This is mainly due to the fact that I now avoid or try to avoid intensive interpersonal contact. Fear of commitment? Yes, and rightly so! I'm just not compatible with intimate interpersonal contact, I'm afraid. I'd rather be lonely sometimes & not have presents for Christmas and have to cope on my own in old age, but that's what counts now and that counts for a lot. Interpersonal relationships mean conflict and conflict is one of those things when your childhood consists of a big violent unresolved conflict between two caregivers and you were only used as a weapon. This probably resulted in me being the “useful idiot”, as my beloved ex-wife so charmingly put it in front of my colleagues (she never said it like that, of course). Too good-natured, very helpful, always seeking recognition, always prone to being taken advantage of, looking for fault in myself, consumed by self-doubt. It's getting better. I no longer have these feelings of guilt like I used to. I have managed to create a different mindset (that word), one that is still not as positive as a mental coach would like, but a little realism is allowed. I no longer feel responsible for everything that happens around me, and negative guilt loops for things that are past? No, not anymore, somehow I've programmed myself differently and that's a good thing. More self-confident. I no longer have a net or a double bottom, no home port to fall back into and fortunately I'm not really responsible for anyone, the luck of the childless (as I said, that's one thing in old age, but on the other hand I'm not a burden on anyone). I sat there in the Palatino and let the last 26 years pass before my inner eye. I've experienced a lot and missed out on a lot, it always went on somehow, even if the path wasn't always clear, there were always difficult situations that I overcame every time and it will go on like that until it doesn't go on any more.

Time flew by here and the sun was about to set. I went to the platform by the Pelte fountain and took up position. Unfortunately the light was not so good at sunset, no clouds. And as is usual, you are asked to look for the exit at sunset. And then suddenly the light became good. Well, luckily there were other tourists who had to be rounded up, so I was able to take a bit of time and use the light to take a few photos. Eventually I left the Palentino as I had come in, the young flirtatious lady no longer there, of course, but with her eyes on the sky. I ran to the end of the Circus Maximus and was able to take a few nice shots and was already standing near the Monument to Giuseppe Mazzini and only had to cross the busy road and was already on my way up the Aventino and to the Buco della serratura dell'Ordine di Malta. Keyhole photography at night. The queue was short, then back down to the circus, past it and on to Casa Kolbe. It is now a luxury restaurant and hotel, and the monastery (where the hotel shares the garden) is still there. I reminisced once again and then headed back to the Colosseum via the empty Capitol with a view of the Forum lit up at night and my beloved Palatino, before heading back to the hotel to take possession of my room. I was still full and had already fallen asleep.

The next morning I had a sumptuous breakfast at the hotel and 3 or 4 coffees in different bars on the way. I was a bit aimless, but suddenly found myself in the park of Villa Borghese. Good, from here I knew my way around again. Past the Terrazza del Pincio, the Villa Medici and the fountain in front of it, which always fascinates me and I know that a good photo can be taken there, unfortunately I have never found the right setting, time of day or light for it. At some point. Then to the Spanish Steps and down. Just don't sit on it, the police react or reacted allergically to it. It was my duty to watch the spectacle of the young Asian women and their attempts to put themselves in the limelight. I could watch this little game for hours. I actually wanted to save Castel Sant'Angelo for the sunset and then headed towards the Trevi Fountain, hunger set in around midday and I knew where I wanted to eat. So I got on the metro and went to the pyramid, there is a very good restaurant nearby. Unfortunately my eyes were very big and I was already full after the pinza a la carbonare, I didn't need the pasta. Too greasy overall, but the owner came by and we got talking a bit. He offered me a grappa, I declined (without regret) but gratefully accepted the coffee he gave me in return. The weather was really nice and I had time, so I walked to Castel Sant'Angelo, past the keyhole again of course (it's the Vatican that you can photograph through it) and into the garden of the Basilica di Santa Sabina all'Aventino. I got the impression that I was being followed. A young girl or rather young woman in a tight T-shirt and shorts kept squeezing in front of my camera. I don't think she did it on purpose, but every time I tried to press the shutter button, she was in front of the lens. I waited until she had gone, which took a long time, and then got back to work. Afterwards down the stairs to the Tiber Piazza, then to the Bocca della Verità and past the crowds of squeezing Asians across the Tiber Island (formerly a leper station and now a hospital (where I was allowed to go in 2015, as a tourist you can get treatment there) along the river to Castel Sant'Angelo. I was really looking forward to the coffee at the top of the castle and could hardly wait, I almost ran the whole way. An atypical queue in front of the castle, but it didn't take long and I was inside, once around, inside and up the defenses and upstairs to the bar only to be disappointed to find that it was closed for renovation. That was a bit disappointing, it took my shoes off. Also because I had really walked a lot all day. Then I went up to the roof and waited in a crowd of people for the sunset. I had my photo (without joy, the coffee illusion weighed heavily) and then out of the castle, I had another shot in mind. Past the stores along the Tiber, you can't compare this with the Bouquinistes de Paris. No books but soccer and Christian idolatry. Then I stood next to many others on a bridge (Umberto I) over the Tiber and was lucky with the light, the birds and a small spot that I could get between the other tourists. Nice photo with the Vatican and the Angel Bridge under renovation in the background. Tired but somehow satisfied, I walked back to the hotel, past the cars stuck in traffic jams on the narrow Roman streets. Walking is simply a lot quicker in Rome during rush hour. With this in mind.